I am a sexual assault survivor who strives to raise awareness about sexual violence and to educate others about everything that goes along with it, as well as to foster a feeling of solidarity and understanding among those who have survived similar abuse and who crave empathy and support in regard to their experiences with sexual assault and healing.
Much of the content on this blog is very real and very ugly, and at times explicit, so I feel compelled to issue a blanket trigger warning here unto all of it.
Constructive dialogue in the comments section will always be welcome, but threats, personal attacks, and victim blaming will not be tolerated.
For a good resource on the realities and myths of sexual violence, I recommend ConsentEd.ca to start.
If you want to know a little bit more about me, the author, my name is Cassy (rhymes with “brassy”). I am a 22-year-old, heterosexual, cisgendered, redheaded, and able-bodied linguist, feminist, atheist activist, and avid birder. I shave my eyebrows, but not under my arms, and I’m a huge Amanda Palmer fan. That’s pretty much it.
Thank you very much, and welcome!
My wife and I just read your “I’m a Survivor” post. I know that it is far too late, but we wish that we could have been there for you when you could have really used the support and could be shown what a real loving relationship is. I’ve already reposted your story on my Facebook page and I know my friends (at least the close ones) will read it. If nothing else, I hope you continue to progress forward and upward, and there’s a couch here for you to crash on if you ever find yourself in Tucson.
I’m sorry about all of this. But I still feel it’s unnessary for you to state that he was born in Iran. There are several people that are thinking you are attacking the race itself and honestly would be nice of you to take it down. Seeing that it has NOTHING really to do with your situation. If you ever need any REAL help. My mother is a psychologist specializing with sexual assault. And I’m sure we could do something to make you be able to afford it :).
here’s my email. email@example.com thats my email. I can give you my mothers information so that you can get the Proper help you need.
I’m interested as to the reason why you think that part was unnecessary. In context, it seems appropriate to me:
“We talked about family, school, general thoughts about the universe. I learned that he was 26 years old, born in Iran, studying Engineering. He was an atheist, too — like me.”
I’m certainly not suggesting that he was a rapist because of his ethnicity, just as I’m not suggesting that he was a rapist because he didn’t believe in God.
My intent was to give these men actual characteristics, because they are real human beings. They’re not just nameless, faceless shadows that only I encountered in some fictitious universe and no one else will ever meet. I feel that the details help to give them personhood.
Do let me know if you’re still having doubts, though. I am interested in hearing what you have to say.
And thank you for offering that resource! 🙂
Okay. There’s a lot wrong with what you just did here. It’s not quite fractal, and I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and suggest you mean well, but seriously…?
“I’m sorry about all this, BUT you’re doing it wrong, and I’m going to tell you why and then tell you that you’re not getting real help, and somehow, I have access to the solution”
That is what you just did.
Doc was Iranian. That’s not really a controversial fact. He’s also an atheist, and an engineer. Those three things were discussed in the small talk at coffee. No one characteristic gets more attention than another. If you’re suggesting that in mentioning these facts, she’s implying some connection between being Iranian and brutalizing her, it would be equally plausible to say that atheists or engineers are likely rapists. Bullshit. None of those things about Doc made him a rapist. Raping people did.
Most people get to know each other with small talk, and Cassy humanizes her rapists because these people aren’t faceless strangers leaping out of bushes. They are someones brother or friend or study buddy.
So maybe lets focus on that, rather than being patronizing.
Everything Cassy and Author said. Also:
“There are several people that are thinking you are attacking the race itself and honestly would be nice of you to take it down.”
First of all, “Iranian” is not a race.
Second, if they’re thinking that, that’s their problem, not Cassy’s. As has been pointed out, nothing about the way she described Doc suggests that she ascribes his characteristics to all Iranian people. If people read her story looking for something to get upset over and settle on that, that doesn’t mean she needs to tell her story in a different way. It’s hers.
“If you ever need any REAL help. My mother is a psychologist specializing with sexual assault.”
What makes you think Cassy isn’t getting “real” help? Did you even read the fourth post in the series?
Oh, and also, who are these “several people” who think Cassy’s attacking all Iranian people? I just looked through all the comments and didn’t see any. Could these “several people” perhaps just be you?